Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
