I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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