i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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