I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
