that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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