The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
