Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
