only you would photoshop your dick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
