We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
