saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
