I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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