i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
