Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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