Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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