Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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