oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
