There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
