So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize