I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
