She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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