You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
