I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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