I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize