youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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