i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
