Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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