No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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