i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
