My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
