Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
