Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
