put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
