all she had left on were here heels. phone five
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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