I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
