I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
