I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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