he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
