Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
