Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize