how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
