Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
