Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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