My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
