it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
