Just fell off a train. Bad.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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