As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
