I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
