No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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