Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
