Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
