On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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