So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
