Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You can't motorboat a personality
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
