while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
