why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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