I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
