walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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