I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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