I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
