Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
