wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
