i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We don't watch enough power rangers
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
