you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
